The Top 10 Douchebag Cars:
The Top 10 Douchebag Cars:
We all know them, we all hate them. They are douchebags. Said to have come from the bowels of New Jersey. Stained orange with spray tan, hair hard as a rock from gallons of hair gel, and a complex language of “Word Brah” and “Sup Dog”, this species of human has spread all over the northeastern United States. They can be found driving with a backwards Yankees hat, their left hand on the top of the steering wheel, leaning on the center console, andtheir seats as far back as they can go. Their style has spread worse than the Swine Flu infecting males ages 13 to 35, and giving them a sense of entitlement and extreme cockiness that has extended to the cars they drive.
10: Lexus IS
Luxury that a douchebag can barely afford. With lease offers for $349 a month this is a great car for douchebags to try and show everyone how much money they have in their invisible bank account because they own a Lexus. Usually can be found with window tint and wheels, which they are charged for in the end.
9: Nissan Maxima
Douchebags driving the Nissan Maxima can be found swerving in and out of traffic at high speeds, without knowing how to use a turn signal. Why is this popular amongst douchebags? It is born from “Godzilla” aka the Nissan GTR, and can be equipped with Nissan’s bread and butter 3.5 liter v6 providing decent power. It is believed by douchebags to be a “hot whip”.
8: Mitsubishi Eclipse
Spanning almost all four generations, from 1990 to present, douchebags commonly refer to this car as the “Clipse” followed usually by a “Yo” or “Dog”. According to douchebag legend when equipped with a turbocharger, they are “Mad fast”. They can be found for little amounts of money due to the fact they have been abused and are older cars. Douches usually have modified them with cheap wheels and an exhaust, and can be found racing obnoxiously through traffic.
7: Chevrolet Cobalt SS
While the Cobalt is a car that vast numbers of people own its performance variation, the Cobalt SS, is a popular car amongst douchebags. Newer Cobalt SS’s are relatively cheap and provide decent performance. Add the fact that it has a spoiler, bigger wheels or “rims”, and a body kit and you have a perfect douche car. They take pride in flaunting the fact that they own the most expensive Cobalt Chevrolet offers.
6: The Mk 4 VW Jetta/GTI (1999-2005)
The fourth generation of Volkswagen Jetta and GTI, produced from 1999-2005 is a favored car amongst the douches of America. Calling themselves “Dubbers”, it has been said that their ways are the result of eating paint chips as children. Unreliable and almost a decade old, these cars can be bought for cheap, and give EMO douchebags the idea that they are part of an exclusive “Euro” crowd even though tens of thousands of other Americans own a Jetta or GTI. They are commonly found with the EMO douche driver hanging his left arm out the window.
5: Honda Civic Si
What makes the Civic Si so popular amongst douchebags? It has Vtec. It makes their car fast. Throw on a “fartcan” exhaust to make lawnmower sounds, a unnecessarily large spoiler, a $20 body kit from Ebay, some cheap Pep Boy wheels, and you have a douchebag’s dream Civic. An obnoxious stereo system is a requirement and can be heard blasting annoying rap music from a mile away.
4: Nissan 350Z
The favorite (attainable) sports car of douchebags everywhere. With power ranging from 287 hp to 300 hp and low prices douchebags flock to the “three- fidy”, or “Z”. “Drifting” has propelled this car up amongst the ranks of douchebag drivers, and can almost always be found with a younger male staring at other drivers to make sure they are checking out his car.
3: Acura Integra
With a huge market of aftermarket parts (that can be overnighted from Japan) this car is rarely found stock, and always has a douche behind the wheel. Powered by the legendary Vtec, it is believed by douchebags to be the fastest car on the road. They are commonly found revving their engine at stoplights and racing soccer mom’s minivans to boost their ego. If sounds of lawn equipment are heard on your street then it is most likely a douchebag driving an Integra.
2: BMW 3 Series
The BMW 3 Series, or almost anything BMW is a revered car amongst all douchebags. Commonly referred to as the “Bimmer” or “Beemer” it is believed to propel any douchebag to the top of the food chain. According to douchebags, sluts and whores flock to the car. Having a BMW makes a douchebag part of an elite “Euro” class and automatically adds $50,000 to their imaginary bank account. The performance variant, the M3 is the ultimate BMW for all douchebags.
1: Infiniti G35
The Holy Grail and epitome of the douchebag automobile is the G35. Sought after and praised, it has become the poster car of every douche in America. A G35 is guaranteed to be driven by a headband equipped, fake tan, and spiky haired douchebag. They OWN the road. There is just enough room for the douche’s ego to fit inside the G35. They can get any slut or whore they want. The G35 needs not apply to traffic laws, all others obey the douche driving it. Any douchebag that owns a G35 is king, and all must obey. Bow down, for the G35 is the Douchebag car.
July 16th, 2009 at 20:08
Did you come to Dunkirk to see all these douchebags?
The whole city is full of ‘em!!
LOVE YOUR SARCASM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 18th, 2009 at 04:59
Come to Orange County, they’re on ever corner…
Agree with them all except #2, in a way. If you have the wheels pictured, I completely agree. But if you want a car that dominates the track, you cant do better than a BMW. The 3 series and M3s (the rest of the BMW lineup is junk) are some of the best track cars availilbe. They have nearly 50/50 weight distribution, RWD, very modable, and very light. Their lap times compare to that of the Vettes and Evo/Stis.
Now if you have a bimmer and are “ballin”, then it totally fits your category ;)
July 18th, 2009 at 18:55
I would not agree with the assertion that the Jetta is any more unreliable than anything else - most noise about VWs being expensive to maintain or unreliable is just that, noise, many of the other cars in this list are actually just as pricey to fix and all have famous, expensive weak points. I do, however, fully support its inclusion ON the list.
BTW, everyone who’s half-literate and didn’t grow up with a junkyard-pullout Honda motor up his ass and some dumbass oversized watch on his wrist knows that “Beemer” refers to BMW’s motorcycles.
July 19th, 2009 at 02:33
Just curious.
What kind of car does the writer of this piece drive?
I drive a Volvo S40, Toyota Celica, Acura MDX, Kia Sedona and a Ford Explorer, by the way.
July 19th, 2009 at 07:15
you forgot mustangs and cameros as 1 and 2
July 19th, 2009 at 14:04
its spelled camAro..no e..way to make yourself into your own category.
“The 3 series and M3s (the rest of the BMW lineup is junk)” LOL seriously? The 3 series is the junkiest car in BMWs line up and you are saying that the rest of the cars are crap? God what a fecking idiot
July 19th, 2009 at 20:00
wow, u covered every car driven by young people. I have owned #1, 4 and 5 and am working hard to buy #2. So what car should I buy that I don’t look like a dbag huh’ ?…cuz I know I aint a dbag, im educated and work hard in cancer research and like to drive nice cars ?
or is this a case of poor people saying ‘money is not everything ? ‘
July 20th, 2009 at 09:34
true worthy cars are a porsche, escalade, range rover, corvette, m3, sl, and the granddaddy of them all, the maserati granturismo
July 20th, 2009 at 10:20
You forgot corvette owners. The biggest douche bags of them all.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:49
No SRT-4 or Mustang? You’ve got to be kidding.
July 20th, 2009 at 19:29
camero camaro same trash
July 22nd, 2009 at 15:56
Escalade? Respectable? ROFLMGDAO!!!!
July 22nd, 2009 at 16:21
lmao, excellent post, I was already laughing and then I got to the civic part and just went to tears….
So true and hilarious hahaha
I drive a 300zx and people who drive 350s dont even look our way and are mostly snobs, civics think they’re everything and challenge a race at every light…and lose… XD
July 23rd, 2009 at 09:49
Haha, good stuff. Unfortunately douchers have been found driving practically any car or even truck that can be found in America!
I do believe you forgot the Ultimate DOUCHE MOBILE of the early 2000’s
The Mitsibishi Lancer EVOlution! I have never seen anyone but a douchebag driving one!
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:47
Real Douche-Bag rides
Mustang (especially lx)
Escalade
Lifted Full-size trucks (especially diesel)
Hummer (especially H2)
anything with chrome rims
July 23rd, 2009 at 16:19
don’t you drive a mark 4 Jetta..?
July 25th, 2009 at 22:32
Have to agree with all of these and would include any lowered truck and great big ass 4×4s (usually a drunk douche in one of those). I do drive an ‘03 Mustang GT but I’m not a douche, really. I’m a bitch but not a douche. I really hate it when the asswhipes in jettas try to race me.
August 1st, 2009 at 21:47
How the hell is a maxima a douche bag car?
August 2nd, 2009 at 10:14
lol holy crap… i know the owner of that eclipse
August 5th, 2009 at 07:00
BRAVO in 60 font. You couldn’t have been more precise as far as the DOUCHE BAG category. Though it does not pertain a 100% to all but most. The really damn scary part of the DOUCHE BAG CLUB is that, with or without the looks, tubed tan, hair gel and the likes, some are EXCELLENT drivers, but the rest, fly around the streets of town, GOD forbid they are headed for an accident, they are crap out of luck on driving skills. I know they are young drivers BUT, if they want to kill themselves driving erratic and fast, do so, just consider the families out there that WANT TO LIVE. PLEASE. For those who fit this category and want to send a nasty post to reply to this, THINK ABOUT if someone of this description KILLED one of your family members, how would you feel, they did kill one of mine, uninsured no less. :^o(
August 5th, 2009 at 14:22
I might add that MK4 jettas are BUILT IN FREAKIN MEXICO. Nice way to rep the euro scene with a Mexican built car tools!
August 5th, 2009 at 21:03
dbags drive every kind of car, unfortunately. 3 series DRIVERS usually know why they bought their car, but the effing loser in this picture should be sslapped. He’s definitely more than a Dbag, but that car is not usually an indication of the KIND of dbag this article is about.. 3 series drivers are their own kind of dbag ;)
no audi on the list.. glad to know you don’t hate me, I’ll sleep well tonight.
August 6th, 2009 at 17:27
you kind sir are a douchebag for knowing how to categorize a douchebag, did you go to douchebag school to get a degree in how to tell when someone is a douchebag, now that we are mentioning douchebags… why dont you go get a big trash bag, wrap yourself in it and then we can call that the ultimate douchebag of all time.
Fast Freddy approves this message, thank you for your time. im out!!!
August 7th, 2009 at 15:01
I think the OP is saying that DB’s are drawn to these cars, not that by owning one of these it makes you a DB.
Such a blanket statement would instantly made the OP the bigger DB.
August 7th, 2009 at 16:48
That was freakin’ hillarious!! I HATE these guys. Posing in front of your “ride” like that should automaticaly add you to the d-bag list.
Also, there was only one car on the list that “always has a douche behind the wheel” so, don’t get so defensive…douchebags! HA! LOL!
August 8th, 2009 at 04:52
I would delete the Nissan Maxima and Lexus IS and replace it with the Subaru WRX/STI and the Mitsubishi EVO
August 9th, 2009 at 06:36
even the cats from the g37driver.com are laughing @ themselves thanks to this
August 10th, 2009 at 10:53
This top 10 list was LAME when compared to the one that was floating around the forums a couple years ago. The one with the Neon SRT-4 as #1.
I honestly could not even find the humor in this one… The older one had me in tears, even with owning 3 of the cars on that list… The author of this list needs humor lessons.
Besides… anyone posing with their car looks like a douche bag…
August 10th, 2009 at 14:53
could of at least used a better photo of the G35, it being number one and all.
August 11th, 2009 at 20:55
Wondering if this guy drives a mustang because I can’t believe it didn’t make the list.
August 11th, 2009 at 20:58
“# Jax Says:
July 22nd, 2009 at 16:21
I drive a 300zx and people who drive 350s dont even look our way and are mostly snobs, civics think they’re everything and challenge a race at every light…and lose… XD”
I vote we change the 350z category to 300zx in light of THAT guy ^^^
August 14th, 2009 at 07:14
The author of this silly piece of writing is obviously a Ford Pinto owner who obviously lacks the money to buy himself a decent Toyota Corolla. If everyone donates a dollar, maybe he can buy himself something that will make him want to actually drive instead of sitting at his computer all day writing such nonsense! LOL
August 15th, 2009 at 02:42
every one that hated on bmw is retarded they make great cars and im ganna say 90% of people here cant afford a new one, sorry its the truth there drivers are d-bags but the cars do have the greatest engines and suspension which you pay out the ass for, and i own an is300 and there are some douchbags who own them, but they arent that expensive mine was 12,000 2002 manual, just a thought who ever made this(probably a mustang owner) there are more douchbag mustang owners than any other car owner ever in the history of the auto mobile!
August 16th, 2009 at 14:20
But Honda makes lawnmowers, not Acura…
August 16th, 2009 at 16:18
They guy who write this is LAME. It is an outrage putting here the 350z, G35, IS and BMW . Obviously, this guy must be a Import hater and maybe a 60 to 70 year old man that envy the owners of this 4 cars because he doesnt have the money to afford one. Mustang , Camaros , EVOs and STIs should be on these list. The other guy is right, he maybe drive a Pinto or Yugo or a Fiat. lololol. Get out of your computer a get a life and stop beleiving all you c in youtube. A douchbag is a douchbag even in a BUGGATTI. It is no the car, is the driver. Welcome to America retard.
August 16th, 2009 at 18:15
srt-4s arent accepted anywhere, really… they arent considered anything good by the domestic hot rodders because they are a four cylinder, and they arent an import, which it is readily ok to have a four cylinder in… they are the bastard step child of the 1800s.
and seriously, to the “really?” person, punctuation is your friend. i almost passed out from lack of oxygen just reading your post.
August 18th, 2009 at 08:53
Honestly I would have thought the Corvette would have been close to the top of the list, followed closely by the Mustang and Camaro.
August 18th, 2009 at 19:20
Ok this is my List: 1-corvettes 2-mustang 3-camaros 4-STI 5-EVO
6-SRTs 7-civics 8-pimped 2 TON EA. 48″ INCHES WHEEL SUV - LOL 9-eclipses and finally 10- All “riced” cars . As you can c, the more power the car has under the hood ( in most cases) , the more douchbag the driver. ( because he thinks he is invinsible) . This are the real favorites rides of douchbags, and most of the times their cars are pimped in a ricer way. Huge chrome wheels are a really good sign of a douchbag driver. The bigger the wheels the douchebager they are, is like a douchbag meter-lol. Also “strange painting jobs or stickers” will identify them. Remember, is the driver the douchbag, no the car. Like I said before, a douchbag is a douchbag even in a BUGGATTI. Is up to us to recognize one.
August 18th, 2009 at 19:50
dude: Is that a dodge neon?
d-bag: NO ITS AN SRT-4
August 25th, 2009 at 00:30
Every single one of you should be sterilized and your offspring should be as well… All of you need to go back to school and relearn English and Grammar…
August 29th, 2009 at 01:27
LOL! The word “Grammar”, as it appears in your post, should not be capitalized. Pot. Kettle. Black.
Love this Top Ten Cars Driven By Douchebags list though! LOL! Funny stuff!
September 9th, 2009 at 17:26
I am surprised the Toyota MR2 isnt on this list. I have seen a lot more riced out MR2’s (I count the MRS as well) than Cobalts. But overall this list was pretty accurate and funny.
September 15th, 2009 at 13:10
Why is the Scion tC under Honda Civic Si? Total fail.
October 15th, 2009 at 14:12
This article has a huge stinch of jealousy. Maybe the profiling will stop as soon as the sippy cup is thrown away, grow up!!!
November 5th, 2009 at 06:12
@Tina. That is a Civic, not a tC. EPIC Fail..
March 21st, 2010 at 21:32
gotta love it… i’m gonna have to disagree with the 3 series though, some 350z’s, and wtf is the maxima doing on this list? haha. but as everyone else is saying its not the car its the driver. As a g35 driver im gonna have to agree on the g’s tho haha, i dont run into many other g’s whos driver actually knows what the fuck they’re talking about, maybe just not around where i live. “you forced induction or naturally aspirated?” “hehe forced induction… sounds like rape hehe”… -.- i hate it, cuz people naturally hate me, and i understand… im 18 driving a g35 but no one knows i saved 17k to buy that car myself, nope always assuming i got a rich daddy cuz of the other asshole g drivers. OP’s obviously driving a domestic as every car on the list is import with the exception of the cobalt ss…